Bumflop in the Bay

After three days in Hanoi, we are ready for a break away from the city. To celebrate my birthday we book an overnight tour to Halong Bay on the north east coast of Vietnam. The tour includes some cave exploration, kayaking, swimming, and a night on the boat. After preparing ourselves for a vessel that may have seen better days, we are relieved and positively gleeful to step aboard our boat, the aptly named Poseidon.

Once we have been shown to our sumptuous cabin, we are assigned a young Vietnamese man, Chinh, to attend to our every whim. A small brass bell was provided to summon our Man Friday; merely lifting the bell without ringing it was enough to make Chinh appear instantly. We settle into the role of colonial masters all too easily and soon find ourselves making insignificant, and sometimes impossible, requests just because we can.

After a seafood lunch during which Craig eats only the napkins, we take a brief sojourn to the nearby Sing Sot Cave, where we slowly amble in huge packs of tourists, many of whom enjoy filming still cave scenes on their expensive video cameras, presumably to show bored relatives back home. We emerge from the cave energised and ready for our open sea kayaking among the islets. In typical Vietnamese disregard for safety, our guide, Khang, tells us that if we can swim then we do not need a lifejacket, and with that, we bravely paddle out into the busy shipping lanes in our two-person kayak.

Having miraculously survived the kayaking, we sail to a quieter part of the bay to watch the sunset and have a pre-prandial swim. Upon changing into our swimming costumes, we join our fellow passengers on the top deck of the boat and relax as the sun goes down. Shortly afterwards, we reach our destination. Khang, comes up onto the top deck asking if anyone is brave enough to jump from the top deck, a height of 40 feet, into the water below. A few game souls peer over the edge of the rail and soon disregard any thought they have of taking the plunge. Khang laughs in mocking derision with his hands on his hips and asks “Not a single one of you is brave enough?” before he nimbly climbs on top of the rail, where he executes a perfect swan dive into the green waters below. He quickly comes to the surface of the water and laughs as he calls out, “The water is perfect! Is no one brave enough?”. A hush descends as we wonder whether anyone will step forward.

It is at this time that I remember that it's my birthday and a confidence swells inside me. This is, after all, a once in a lifetime opportunity. I take a deep breath and triumphantly declare “I'm going to do it!”. I strut majestically towards the side of the boat, my head held high with the edges of a confident smile at the corners of my mouth. I hand my towel to Chinh, who says “Good luck, Madam”. As the other passengers gather round in intense anticipation, I take three deep breaths and climb onto the rail. I look down at the water below and I feel my legs weaken along with my resolve. As the colour drains from my face, I know that there's no turning back and my only option is to hurl myself overboard and hope for the best. I drop like a curling stone and meet the water bum first. The smack can be heard echoing around the bay as my tender pale Scottish buttocks converge with the concrete water.

I am stretchered back onto the boat and I regain consciousness as Chinh waves smelling salts under my nose and Craig holds an icepack to my wounded derriere. As I come to, my fellow passengers offer me a round of applause and a chorus of “Bravo!”.

Comments

[Kerso]

So no matter where you are in the world you're still making an arse of yourself, eh? :-)

Kx

[Classylass74]

anna im so proud of you, that craig is just a big girls blouse. lol. hope your having a fab time guys.. thinking of you both. mwah...ya confident wee cow. ha ha ha..xxxxx

[Papa Rep]

What a great way to spend your birthday!
Arse first!
My heart is full of pride!
Many happy returns.
Kevin

[Jessipoos]

Excellent work with the bumflop Anna, no need for birthday bumps then eh? :) I wonder what manly feat craig will undertake to try and match your bravery.. x x

[Gill]

A birthday you will never forget!! A belated many happy returns. G xxx

[Louisewilson1]

hey u guys wow anna BRAVO right enough .....cant wait to read on xx

[Lisa]

a wonderful achievement on your birthday my friend - bottoms up! xxx

[Vicki]

Bravo, my bumflop beauty! A stylish start to the trip. I am wondering if the bruises match those incurred when you plummeted with similar grace down my parents' stairs some years back? xxx

[Rbed8261]

Thank goodness you had practised falling on your bum chez Bedford! Love PattyLaBelle and Bob xx

[Rbed8261]

Sorry,hadn't read daughter's comment!

[Fiona]

Good for you Annabella - 'sehr mutig'! Hope you're both having a lovely time.
Much love, xxx

[Account Deleted]

Thank you, one and all. Welcome aboard everyone! xxx